We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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