I checked into jail on foursquare
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
