my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize