i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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