how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
