Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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