I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
