When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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