I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
