i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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