When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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