how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
