literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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