I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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