You're completely useless in the revolution.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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