we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
