I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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