Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
