i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize