I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize