I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
