Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
