jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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