my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
