I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
