Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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