I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
