i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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