I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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