I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize