Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
