i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
