do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
