Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How does one acquire holy water?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
