don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize