you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
