dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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