im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
