well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
