I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
