Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
