Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
