I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
