He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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