My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
