By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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