Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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