I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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