Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize