so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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