I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
