Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
