i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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