she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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