it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
