I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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