Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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