If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize