I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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