I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
