I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
