All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
