I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
