happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
