some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
