And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
